跪求 两个人的英语对话带翻译的 有意思点 而且在5分钟之内的 急急急啊~好心人帮帮吧

急求~~~英语版两人相声（带有中文翻译的），5分钟左右。尽量简单点、适当搞笑点。。。哪位高手帮帮。忙！~

　　Little Red Riding Hood
　　第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家
　　Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）
　　Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?

　　Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!
　　Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful.
　　Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.
　　Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.
　　第二场：在路上
　　(一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
　　Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.
　　Wolf：（wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill.
　　Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)
　　Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）
　　Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you?
　　Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?
　　Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye.
　　Six Ducks：Goodbye．
　　第三场：Grandma家
　　Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
　　Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．
　　Grandma： Who is it？
　　Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
　　Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.
　　Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you.
　　Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上）
　　灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。
　　Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma．
　　Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？
　　Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
　　Wolf：Come in， Come in.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!
　　Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
　　Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
　　Wolf：I can hug you.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?
　　Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No!
　　Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
　　Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.
　　Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)
　　Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.
　　Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
　　Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
　　Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线)
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.
　　Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)
　　Grandma： I'll thread it.
　　Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!
　　Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
　　Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
　　Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me!
　　Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!
　　Wolf： (应声倒下)
　　Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
　　Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．
　　小红帽
　　小红帽家
　　妈妈： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）
　　小红帽:嗨,:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）妈妈,你在做什么呢?
　　妈妈:奶奶病了。这里有一些苹果和香蕉给奶奶的。带他们去奶奶。
　　小红帽:好啊!
　　妈妈:小红帽骑Hood说)很好。小心些而已。
　　小红帽:是的,mummy.Goodbye,妈妈。
　　妈妈:再见。亲爱的。

　　小红帽,
　　小红帽:哇!鲜花,多么美丽!两朵花,一朵花,三朵花。
　　狼:我是一只狼。我饿了。(这里是一个小红帽。嗨!小红帽。你去哪儿?小红帽
　　李

自打我进宫以来
Since I entered the palace

1.
Who is closer to you, your mom or your dad?
mon is closer, because dad is farther
2.
What is the poorest bank in the world?
the river bank
3.
What month do soldiers hate?
march
4.
What clothing is always sad?
blue jeans
5.
Why is an empty purse always the same?
there is no change in it
6.
What has four wheels and flies?
a garbage truck
7.
Why are dogs afraid to sunbathe?
they don't want to be hot dogs
8.
Why shouldn't you lose your temper?
no one else wants it
9.
What kind of running means walking?
running out of gas
10.
What stays hot even if put in a refrigerator?
pepper
11.
What can't be used unless broken?
eggs
12.
What makes opening piano so hard?
all the keys are inside
13.
What two words contain thousands of letters?
post office
14.
What do you get if you cross stereo and fridge?
very cool music
15.
What has nothing but a head and a tail?
a coin
16.
Why is 10 x 10 = 1000 like your left eye?
it's not right
17.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney while working?
you are too young to smoke
18.
How do we know the ocean is friendly?
it waves
19.
Why should we never ask balloons for advice?
they are full of hot air
20.
What has three hands but only one face?
a clock
21.
Which can move faster, heat of cold?
heat ,because you can catch cold
22.
What weather do mice and rats fear?
when it rains cats and dogs
23.
Who always drives his customers away?
a taxi driver
24Why is the letter E so important?
becase it's the begining of everything
25
What has four fingers and a thumb but no flesh and bone?
a glove
26
Why do fish live in water?
cat can't swim
27
What is black when it is clean and white when it is dirty?
blackboard
28
Why are grandpa's false teeth like stars?
they come out at night
29
What will make more noise in your house than a dog?
two dogs
30
What is higher without a head than with a head?
a pillow

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