英文高手帮忙看看这个自我介绍还有哪里需要修改的，谢谢！

作者&投稿：宫京（联系方式在网页底部的电邮联系）

高手，能不能帮我看看我的英文自我介绍哪里需要修改的？~

Good day everybody! It is really a great honor to have this opportunity to introduce myself here. I hope I can make a good impression on you. （好，没问题！）
My name is Zhang Bingjie. I was born in Xingjiang, a remote place where I spent my happy childhood. In 2000, I graduated from ABC University （最好加一个地点，应该是新疆吧，对照于后面的离开家乡）, majored in Chinese language and literature. Shortly after my graduation, I left my hometown and came to Shanghai. Thereafter, I started to live on my own and learned to face the social pressure alone. （好）
10 years, only a drop in the ocean of human history, make （用has turned，10年作为一个整体概念来讲的作为单数，强调结果用现在完成时较好，转变用turn更合适）me from an innocent girl to a mature and independent woman. In these years, I’ve worked in several companies with different bosses and different colleagues, started as an office clerk and became a top manager finally. The industries that I’ve engaged in ranging（缺谓语了，应该改成：range） from advertizing, manufacture（这个要改成manufacturing与广告的advertising保持一致） to logistics. The last two companies that I’ve worked for belongs（改成belong，2个公司是复数） to logistics industry. From 2005 to 2008, I served as General Manager’s assistant （要改成assistant to GM 总经理助理） and later manager of management department（管理部的经理？是行政经理吗？administrative manager） in Shanghai ABC Company which is one of the most prestigious customs clearance agencies in Shanghai. During the（改成that） time, I learned a great deal of knowledge in customs affairs. Based on these knowledge, a performance appraisal system for all level employees among the company had been designed and implemented（本句有问题，前面分词短语的主语是我，主句的主语是系统，不可以这么用，而且主句时态不对不需要用过去完成时，用一般过去时可以了）. It turns out that the system is（改成was） effective for improving work efficiency and quality. From 2008 to 2010, I worked as a project manager of logistics department in YN Ltd. There, my key tasks is（改成are） to supervise and control the whole process of logistics project, ranging from booking, picking up goods, ocean shipping/sea transportation, customs clearance, transportation by land or rail to final delivery. As a result, I got much practical experience of （在某方面的经验一般用介词in）logistics operation. Moreover, during 2005 and 2008, I completed all the self-study courses on English language and literature in Shanghai International Studies University and got the second bachelor’s degree.
In 2010, I got a baby girl and then quit the job. Now, I am a happy mother and a satisfied wife. （这里要加个原因用以过度，否则一下子说你突然需要自己的事业很奇怪。After 2 years' housewife life, I think it may be the time for me to resume my career, since no one can only depend upon others and a woman won't be really successful only with family life. 下一句取消）But I also need to have my own career. So, I’m here now.
Before I close（嘿嘿有一个很漂亮的结束语叫：Last but not the least，比这个好）, something I must say is（这里是something后面是sometimes又是nothing，建议改一下，I always bear that in mind 我一直记在心中), sometimes youth has nothing to do with age（改成the age of a person）, because youth is a kind of mind-set and spirit. Often, ability has nothing to do with diploma, because ability increases（建议用：can be accumulated 被积累） in practice. I’m （加：confident that I am我自信）the one with positive attitude and rich experience. Please give my application materials a serious consideration and then give me a chance. I’m sure I will give you a surprise in return.
Thank you very much!

筒子，你是面试啥东西？如果是公司的话，你说的太嫩了，没说到点上。
中文自我介绍，你得改改，问候是要的，不过面试的怎么是评委老师呢，你直接问候大家好了就行了，然后简单的自我介绍：
大家好，我叫xx，男，（说性别的时候，可以加下一点动作，比较特别的点，也能引起大家对你的兴趣）今年20岁，来自美丽的四川广元，是电子科技大学成都学院的空乘及地面服务专业大一的学生。在校期间，除了在学业上先后取得了英语3级和普通话2级甲等证书，在也课余时间也积极参加校内外的一些活动（如果有组织过活动就说下，没有就简单的说下你都参加了什么活动），从而提高了我的团队协作能力，沟通能力和学习能力。个人性格外向，做事沉着冷静，有条理，乐于助人，关心他人。今天我来到这里，希望给自己一个体验的机会，我也相信自己能做好自己要做的事情，（如果是应聘什么职位的，那就加一句，我也相信凭我目前掌握的技能，高度的责任感和良好的学习能力，适应能力，完全能胜任这工作），谢谢。
男孩子就该大气点，有自信点。
英语自我介绍嘛，其实大概就听下你的口音而已，内容嘛不会太注重的，我给你个样板你模仿下：
Good afternoon, my name is XX.
It is really a great honor to be here.
I hope I can make a good
performance today.
Now I will introduce myself briefly.

I am 20 years old. I was born in Sichuan Guangyuan,
I am freshman of Chengdu University of Electronic Science and Technology Institute,my major is xxx.
I have passed English III and Putonghua. and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time.
I am an outgoing and hardworking guy.I am open-minded ,quick in thought .I have lots of interest such as playing basektall,badminton.
so,If you give me the great chance,I won't let you disappoint.Ok,
that's all.
Thank you.
I hope that you will be satisfied with me,
thank you again.
记得介绍要熟记，英语方面的话，说的不好没关系，内容上没几个人会听的，主要是口音上，要多练练，说的比较正的话，对你来说是过关的关键，最好模仿下美音怎么说的。
good luck.

Good day, everybody! It is really my great honor to have this opportunity to introduce myself here. I hope that I can make a good impression on you. My name is Zhang Bingjie, and I was born in Xingjiang, a remote place where I spent my happy childhood. In 2000, I graduated from ABC University, major in Chinese language and literature. Shortly after my graduation, I left my hometown and came to Shanghai. Thereafter, I started living on my own and learned to face the social pressure alone. 10 years, only a drop in the ocean of human history, makes me change from an innocent girl to a mature and independent woman. In these years, I’ve worked in several companies with different bosses and different colleagues, started as an office clerk and became a top manager finally. The industries that I’ve engaged in ranging from advertizing, manufacture to logistics. The last two companies that I’ve worked at belong to logistics industry. From 2005 to 2008, I served as General Manager’s assistant and later manager of management department in Shanghai ABC Company which is one of the most prestigious customs clearance agencies in Shanghai. During that time, I learned a great deal of knowledge in customs affairs. Based on these knowledge, a performance appraisal system for all levels of employees among the company had been designed and implemented. It turns out that the system is effective for improving work efficiency and quality. From 2008 to 2010, I worked as a project manager of logistics department in YN Ltd. There, my key tasks are to Supervise and control the whole process of logistics project, ranging from booking, picking up goods, ocean shipping/sea transportation, customs clearance, transportation by land or rail to final delivery. As a result, I got much practical experience of logistics operation. Moreover, during 2005 and 2008, I completed all the self-study courses on English language and literature in Shanghai International Studies University and got the second bachelor’s degree.
In 2010, I got a baby girl and then quit the job. Now, I am a happy mother and a satisfied wife. But I also need to have my own career. So, I’m here now. Before I close, something I must say is, sometimes youth has nothing to do with age, because youth is a kind of mind-set and spirit. Often, ability has nothing to do with diploma, because ability increases in practice. I’m the one with positive attitude and rich experience. Please give my application materials a serious consideration and then give me a chance, I’m sure I will give you a surprise in return.
Thank you very much!

Hello (good day 用法不常见） everybody! It is really a great honor to have this opportunity TO(for 搭配不符）introducing myself here. I hope I can make a good impression for( 固定搭配） you.
My name is Zhang Bingjie. I was born in Xingjiang, a remote place where I spent my happy childhood ，In 2000, I graduated from ABC University, majorED in Chinese language and literature. Shortly after my graduation, I left my hometown and came to Shanghai. Thereafter, I started to live on my own and learned to face the social pressure alone.
10 years, only a drop in the ocean of human history（A drop of water in the history of mankind

参考）, make（不知道这里的时态对不对，我认为s去掉） me from an innocent girl to a mature and independent woman. In these years, I’ve worked in several companies with different bosses and different colleagues, started as an office clerk and became a top manager finally. The industries that I’ve engaged in ranging from advertizing, manufacture to logistics. The last two companies （我认为which） I’ve worked for belong去掉s to logistics industry. From 2005 to 2008, I served as General Manager’s assistant and later manager of management department in Shanghai ABC Company which is one of the most prestigious customs clearance agencies in Shanghai. During the time, I learned a great deal of knowledge in customs affairs. Based on these knowledge, A performance appraisal system for all level employees among the company had been designed and implemented. It turns out that the system is effective for improving work efficiency and quality. From 2008 to 2010, I worked as a project manager of logistics department in YN Ltd. There, my key（main） tasks is（are） to Supervise and control the whole process（es） of logistics project, ranging from booking, picking up goods, ocean shipping/sea transportation, customs clearance, transportation by land or rail to final delivery. As a result, I got much practical experience of logistics operation. Moreover, during 2005 and 2008, I completed all the self-study courses on English language and literature in Shanghai International Studies University and got the second bachelor’s degree.
In 2010, I got a baby girl and then quitED the job. Now, I am a happy mother and a satisfied wife. But I also need to have my own career. So, I’m here now.
Before I close, something I must say is(ARE), sometimes youth has nothing to do with age, because youth is a kind of mind-set and spirit. Often, ability(CAPACITY,工参考） has nothing to do with diploma, because ability increases in practice. I’m the one with positive attitude and rich experience. Please give my application materials a serious consideration （我认为 put my application into consideration 也差不多）and then give me a chance, I’m sure I will give you a surprise in return.
Thank you very much!

不好意思，是你要求改的，我就看了一边，觉得你的经历还是很丰富的。你写的很好啊。呵呵。

(1)have this opportunity to introduce myself here
(2) give you a good impression.但我觉得这条内容不好,表达的清楚,自然给人印象好,不需要强调
(3) majored in Chinese language
(4)live on my own and learned to face social pressure alone,感觉这个句子不太适合, start my career and learned to how to survive in competitve society 个人意见
(5) 第3段落组织不好,没什么连贯性, 呵呵纯粹个人意见
(6)爱好什么,可以涉及点

不错

嗯，还行

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英文高手帮忙看看这个自我介绍还有哪里需要修改的，谢谢！

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